Relationship Breakdowns

CONTENT WARNING: This story mentions domestic violence. If you need support, please reach out to 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) or one of the services listed here.

Whether it’s a marriage of 30 years, a few years of dating, a close friendship, or family bond, relationships shape our lives. So, when any meaningful relationship ends, the loss can be deeply personal and painful.

What unites us is the fundamental human need for connection. After a relationship ends, especially when it was someone’s primary source of emotional support, this need can feel even more critical.

In these times, the support of friends, family, or community, can play a crucial role in helping someone navigate the aftermath of a significant relationship loss.

Relationship breakdowns can happen to anyone

Research from Relationships Australia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to promoting healthy and respectful relationships, highlights that 38 per cent of Australians have experienced a breakup, 11 per cent a separation, and 17 per cent a divorce.

For some people, the most meaningful relationship in their life is a friend or family member, so the breakdown of those bonds can carry significant emotional weight.

Importantly, the research also emphasises the value of connection during these challenging times. Around 80 per cent of people going through a relationship breakdown reported that support from friends, family, or counsellors helped them through.

The vital role of friends and family

Everyone processes life events differently, but grief and uncertainty are common responses to the end of any significant relationship, even for the person who chose to walk away.

When the breakup is unexpected, or involves children, financial strain, or safety concerns, those emotions can be heightened.

Relationships Australia NSW counsellor Sandra Martel-Acworth said for the people involved; it can also be about adapting to a new norm.

“We are relational beings, so when someone experiences the end of a relationship, the emotional response often isn’t just about that one relationship, it can also stir up unresolved grief or loss from the past,” said Ms Martel-Acworth.

Photo: Supplied by Relationships Australia

Photo: Supplied by Relationships Australia

“Frequently, people are also losing layers of other important connections, such as friendship groups and extended family, so it’s multi-layered and shifts the whole system.”

Meaningful ways to offer support

Being surrounded by positive, affirming relationships can help remind someone of their worth, especially at a time when they may be questioning it.

It's often the simplest gestures that have the most significant impact, like asking how someone is really going, listening without judgement, and checking in to show genuine care.

“You might think it’s obvious, but after a breakup, people often lose sight of their strengths,” said Ms Martel-Acworth.

“They may feel unsure of themselves, low in self-esteem, and forget what they bring to relationships and friendships. Look for openings to tell someone what you really value about them as a friend.”

Practical help can go a long way

Day-to-day life can also feel overwhelming when someone is adjusting to a new reality.

Encouraging self-care, helping them stay socially connected, or simply inviting them out for a walk or activity can offer real support and a way forward.

“The tendency is to ruminate, to keep going over the breakup in your mind,” Ms Martel-Acworth explained.

“As a friend, helping shift their focus, even briefly, can make a big difference. Friendships really can become a safety net in these moments,” said Ms Martel-Acworth.

Focus on the positive

At the same time, Ms Martel-Acworth said it’s important not to offer unsolicited advice or speak negatively about the person on the other side of the relationship breakdown, as it can have unintended consequences.

“Focus on listening and building their confidence, not tearing down the other person,” said Ms Martel-Acworth.

“If they end up reconnecting or repairing the relationship, they may feel embarrassed about what they shared and start to pull away from you.”

What To Say & Do

Quick tips on helping a friend through a relationship breakdown.

Create space to talk. Choose a time when you can chat privately and without time pressures.
Just listen. Let them share what they feel, without judging the situation or trying to fix things.
Offer practical help. Whether it’s helping with small tasks, joining them for a walk, or supporting them to contact support services, simple actions can mean a lot.
Avoid giving advice unless asked. Criticising the other person or comparing their experience to your own could push them away.
Keep checking in. People often feel comfortable sharing more openly when trust builds. A second or third conversation might matter most.

When extra support might be needed

For some people, relationship breakdowns can have long-lasting effects. In fact, Relationships Australia found that more than a third of people still feel the impact of a relationship ending years later.

You might notice that someone isn’t quite themselves, perhaps they’ve become socially withdrawn, are drinking more, or have expressed feelings of hopelessness. If you’re concerned, gently check in, ask how they’re feeling, listen with care, and encourage them to seek professional support if needed.

There may be other factors at play too. Financial stress is often one of the most immediate and overwhelming challenges after a breakup, and safety can also be a serious concern for some families.

“Even if the person has left the situation, if there’s any history of domestic violence or coercive control, the time of separation is actually the most dangerous", Ms Martel-Acworth explained.

Whatever their situation, it is important for them to know that help and specialised support are available.

Specialised help is available

Some conversations are too big for friends and family alone. If someone you care about is struggling after a breakup or relationship change, or you’re worried about their safety, the following services can help:

Remember: your support, encouragement, and presence can mean more to someone dealing with a relationship breakdown than you realise.

So, when life happens, the most powerful thing you can do is ask, 'are you OK?'.

This article is part of the ‘When life happens, ask R U OK?’ series, which is proudly supported by our Conversation Partner, ING Australia.

R U OK? resources